The Attack of the Cloth-Eating Moths
by RobertDogwood
Summary: Another Irvine fic describing the hideous events surrounding the attack of the Cloth-Eating Moths Rated R for nudity


### The Attack of the Cloth-Eating Moths

A Final Fantasy VIII Fan Fic

Game and characters owned by SquareSoft

Written by Robertdogwood

Rated R for nudity

Dedicated to The Lone Chocobo  
Check out his profile page

Well, sit down and relax - this'll take a while. This is the strangest thing that I've ever witnessed or even heard about for that matter. It started one morning about six months ago. Selphie and I went to the cafeteria for our usual breakfast and saw the whole customary crew in the back at one of the tables - Zell, the Library girl, and Rinny. Squall wasn't there, but he never is by the time we get there. The Commander gets out on his rounds early.

When we get up to the table and sit down with our trays of breakfast, the Library girl is complaining of small holes in her uniform. And, sure enough, when I look closely - I can espy small holes in her uniform. Suddenly everyone began glancing down at themselves and noticing the same thing. I glanced over at Sefie and could see them in her yellow dress - but they weren't big enough to see anything of note through - darn it.

After I verified that I had them in my long cattleman's coat also, I became angry. I paid plenty of Gil for that thing - and it had to be imported from Esthar, to boot. As everyone was talking wildly at the same time, I suggested they calm down and we eat our breakfast before exploring the situation.

After breakfast we went to talk to Xu, who was sporting a few holes of her own in her usually perfect uniform and she informed us that the holes were being made by some special species of moth that no one had even seen before. She also informed us that one had been captured and the doctor currently had possession of it and was studying it in hopes of learning something that would help eradicate them.

Well, the upshot was - Zell had to go to the hand-to-hand combat class that he taught, Selphie had her post SeeD studies concerning Guardian Force spontaneous combustion and the Library girl - quite naturally had to go to her shift in the library. So Rinny and I decided to go pay the doctor a visit to learn what could be done about these cloth-eating moths.

As we made our way through the Garden, I noticed the holes in the ebony-haired woman's outfit were growing larger. But I still couldn't see anything worthwhile - darn it.

When we talked to Doctor Kadowaki, we discovered that the moth had apparently died before she could actually study it in captivity. But the good doctor had gone on to dissect it and had discovered it had been enhanced somehow through the use of steroids. Our chief medical expert also informed us that she had a strong suspicion that the moths had already done more damage than we supposed.

So Rin and I decided to separate and go to our rooms and check. And sure enough, when I arrived at my room and inspected my other clothing, I could discover nothing but some random threads where all of my clothing had once been.

Now this was getting serious! Although I did envision a great scene of everyone sitting around the washing machine _ sans apparel _ waiting for their one outfit to wash and dry!

Well, I heard some screaming out in the main part of the Garden so I wasted no time leaving my room and loping out there. You wouldn't have believed it. There were great clouds of these moths attacking the clothing of everyone present. I saw a uniform stripped off one of the female Trepies in a matter of a few seconds - and then her underwear quickly followed! Now that was a scene I was gonna work on remembering for awhile.

Since I had my weapon with me, I began shooting _ Exeter _ at random. Because there was so many of them, I didn't even have to aim to hit some. Of course my clothes had already disappeared - cowboy hat too! But I didn't mind - I have nothing to be ashamed of, let me assure you.

I'll tell you this - everybody was out there fighting in protection of the Garden - clothes or no clothes - it made me proud. Squall was swinging his _ Lionheart _ with one hand and attempting to cover himself with his other. Of course he was surrounded with his usual group of _ Squallies _ - you don't know who they are?! Where have you been? They're that group of thirteen to fifteen year old females that follow him everywhere inside the Garden. You know, Rinny thinks it's funny - she doesn't have a jealous bone in her body. Anyway, the _ Squallies _ were all stripped down too, but I can't go there - underage, you understand. This _ just _ isn't one of those kind of stories - you know, the little girls in their schoolgirl uniforms! I don't do that.

Rin was out there fighting along with everybody else. The ebony-haired beauty was wearing her Blaster Edge and nothing else! And she was surrounded by her own little group of male fans - the _ Rinnies, _ we call them or as Squall sometimes refers to them as the Rinnie ninnies. I think he is a little jealous. Anyway lack of clothing notwithstanding, Rinoa was killing a tremendous amount of the moths, but they just kept coming. And her fans were actually interfering with her, because they kept leaping in front of her to provide protection.

"What? Is she beautiful? Well, what do you think? But I can't go there either - she's not only the Commander's sweetheart, but her legion of fans will get me for sure if I do."

I observed Selphie out of the corner of my eye swinging her _ Strange Vision _ wiping out large clots of them. The moths had cleaned her out or should I say off. She was as naked as on the day she was born. Even her boots were gone. Hyne! She was beautiful - I love her so much. But she's so hard to catch!

Spinning around in order to shoot some of the moths behind me, I happen to glimpse Quistis swinging her _ Save the Queen _ at the great swarms of moths, while Seifer stood at her back with his _ Hyperion _ waiting. They were being stripped of their clothing by the voracious moths as I stood there watching. They didn't let anything slow them down, as the blonde instructor and the former-Knight were killing ten of the moths at a time.

And then Fujin came rushing up - I suppose in her mind to protect Seifer. She was also completely nude and let me tell you - you ain't seen nothing until you see Fujie naked. She has these huge breasts and that strange silver gray hair - oh never mind. I don't want to talk about that either. But trust me - it was truly bizarre.

And then I espied this new young female SeeD, who had transferred from somewhere out west. Her name was Kristen and she was swinging this Kendo sword to beat the band. She was knocking out fifty at a time and man - was she beautiful! Her uniform must have gone early and the raven-haired young woman was truly statuesque. She had long hair that hung halfway down her thighs and had enormous breasts with a narrow little waist and a big hairy black bush. Hyne! I loved it. I'm here to tell you - if it wasn't for Sefie, I would have fallen in love with her on the spot!

Then Mishima comes running up out of nowhere it seemed, pummeling the moths with her weapon covered fists. Yes, if you must know - she wasn't wearing a stitch either. But with Mishima you never know if her clothing was eaten off or she had just been involved with someone back in one of the dorm rooms.

All of the sudden the Garden was flooded with some kind of mysterious gas and the moths began to fall dead, first by the hundreds - and then by the thousands. And I thought we had been saved - probably by something Dr. Kadowaki had accomplished. But I was dead wrong.

Suddenly we were being swarmed by a new form of deadly enemy - Galbadian troops! Now the whole scheme fell into place in my mind. The moths had been some kind of evil plot by Deling City. I guess they figured if we were all naked we would be easy pickings for their troops - plus we would be totally demoralized.

Well, they figured wrong. Everybody stood up there _ sans apparel _ and gave better than they received. Soon we had them on the run and then Rinny, Quistis and Selphie began using their Guardian Forces.

"What? I can't believe what you just said. Of course, GF's aren't junctioned on your clothes. They're patterned to your brain waves - where have you been? Or rather why haven't you been going to class? This is real basic stuff here we're talking about. Don't worry - I won't tell anyone you've been cutting. But you better start attending your 'Basic Care of a GF' class."

Not feeling suicidal, the Galbadian troops retreated in a hurry and attempted to fly off in their air craft. Quistis and Sefie went after them in the Ragnarok and shot a few down for their trouble. I would have liked to been able to see inside that cockpit, I tell you.

Well, after the initial celebratory hurrahs were finished and everybody finished clapping and cheering - their adrenaline began to wind down and they began to look sheepishly at one another, because they suddenly became cognizant of their immediate situation...i.e. they were standing butt naked in public!

Everybody had the same idea simultaneously - run to their rooms! There were people running helter skelter everywhere - bumping into each other and knocking each other down. I strolled to my room, because like I indicated before - I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Well, it turned out that Galbadia had kidnapped Dr. Odine from Esthar and forced him to work on the moths. Actually, forced is probably too strong a word - you know Dr. Odine - if you give him a lab to work in, a project of interest to work on and enough money, he'd work for the devil himself.

Before Cid could get some uniforms down from Trabia and also from that famous uniform factory in Winhill, there were a lot of people around the Garden wearing blankets and sheets. For some reason, the moths didn't attack bed linen.

"What? No, that stuff they printed in the Shumi Village _ World Weekly News _ just wasn't true at all. They weren't bite bugs - they were moths. Bite Bugs will poison you, but they won't eat your clothing. And I don't know where that rag gets off indicating that there was an orgy. Trust me, that just isn't true - except maybe in my mind. That paper will print anything for money - they apparently have no shame."

Well, anyway that's the entire story of the cloth-eating moths and you heard it from someone who was there. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. There is a persistent Garden urban legend that some of the moths escaped the gas and have been hibernating in the air conditioner ducts, but personally - I don't believe it. Although I did hear some strange sounds coming from there last night - so who knows for certain? Time will tell.

The End


End file.
